Dealing with loss of freedom

I don't know if I should address this blog just to new mothers, or those who are just married or those who are planning a baby.Or maybe even new fathers or fathers-to-be. I guess all of u might find it of use. Actually, fathers must read this, so that they know what their spouse is going though or will be going through, especially if their spouse is a working woman.


Now don't get me wrong. Motherhood is wonderful. It is beautiful to hold your little bundle, look into his/her eyes, see them smiling at you, and watching them grow knowing that you created them. But the one thing all mothers have to deal with from day one is complete loss of freedom. Well, maybe not a complete loss. You can still breathe when u want to!! But other than that, your entire life is determined by your baby. And this will continue till he/she is old enough to go to college. You will not be able to read your favorite book, watch a movie in peace (not even at home), eat when you are really hungry, and you can definitely kiss long baths and beauty treatments goodbye. Yes, it really is as bad as it sounds.


But don't despair.Life's never that bad...at least, it doesn't last that bad for very long. You will need to be patient and wait till your bundle is old enough for pre-school before you can actually look forward to some time for yourself. This is especially true if you don't have a support structure close enough to share the job with. Grandparents are a blessing to have close at hand if you want to take a slice out of the day just for yourself. Sure, you could hire a nanny or an ayah to look after your child, but there are several drawbacks to that option. Besides, you can't leave your child with the nanny all alone without any supervision.

I was full speed into my career when my husband and I discovered that I was pregnant. Thankfully I had a no-complications pregnancy, so I could work really hard without any concerns. All through those 9 months I was looking forward to holding my baby in my arms. And when the time finally came to take a maternity leave and sit at home, I was stumped. I had never imagined that life would become so busy and complicated. I was unable to take calls, check emails, get uniterrupted sleep, meet friends, go shopping, have hot meals on time, go for movies.......and the worst thing was that I felt utterly useless sitting at home. From waking up with a "get up and go" attitude, things changed to "get up and feed, wash, clean...".

But now when I see my son learning things at amazing speeds, picking up words, running around the whole place, looking, listening, absorbing.....when I see him trusting me blindly, running to me when he's hurt or scared.....when I realise that he sees me as a trusted source of food, comfort and solace, I don't regret the sacrifices I made. Sure, there are good days and bad. We fight, get angry with each other, scream and yell.....but in the end we both love each other with a blind unconditional love.

And that's what makes it all worth it all. I know that each effort or sacrifice I make today is another investment towards my son's growth and development. Each time I become frustrated with the routine or yearn to sit in an office with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand while busily checking mails with the other and worrying about deadlines, I just look at my son giggling at something silly and then I ask myself ...."Now what is that laugh worth?"

I envy my husband's business travels to new and exciting places. But he is missing much more. He misses all those inane giggles, silly games and the fun they bring, the first utterance of a new word or action learnt, the wiping of tears and comforting after a bad scrape on the head or the knee.

So to all the young mothers out there...........just hang on. These toddler years are the best time you will ever have with your child. Once they are old enough not to need you, these years will become a sweet and painful memory. So enjoy it as much as you can. Get help if you can. Mothers need a break too. Get daddy to pitch in sometimes and babysit while you have a girlie outing. And if you miss working, work from home. There are lots of options available that will allow you to do that. I have been freelancing for almost a year now and feel more useful and proud of myself.

Motherhood isn't easy, but that doesn't mean it can't be fun. Work, play, do what you want. And of course, look forward to sipping latte`s at coffee shops with your gal pals very soon!